The Kosbok Theory:
A Critical Perspective

by Dr. Raymund Shackleman

As a young biology student, I would spend many late nights in the apprentice laboratory at Girdham University where I’d study grasshopper behavior, sunflower pistils, and mold. On one particularly late night, I came across a field journal that I was not familiar with. I reluctantly skimmed through the pages, trying to ascertain what natural wonder the author sought to study. Then, I came across the following excerpt:

How interesting it is that a creature can be so misunderstood that one increases it’s size sevenfold, both in mind and, indeed, even in eyesight. This has happened to the perception of the wistful and noble moose, which will someday, hopefully, be known more appropriately as the "much lesser antelope of the mountains."

After reading this passage and many others like it, I was both intrigued and shocked by the writings of Nils Christiansen Kosbok. I was truly astounded by Kosbok’s claims, but I was even more flabbergasted when I discovered that many of my colleagues and professors ascribed to the ridiculous notion known as "The Kosbok Theory."

Not only does Kosbok claim that the male moose can stand nearly three feet tall, but he also claims to have witnessed certain moose behavior which is just plain ridiculous. Kosbok writes:

Ah, how I am frustrated and yet helplessly amused by the trickery of moose! I have observed this great, little beast to be utterly docile, but one must not make the mistake of making a clucking noise resembling that of a pheasant. I was practicing just that, a pheasant’s clucking call, but a few days hence, when one male in the group became quite irritated! I detected this irritation by observing an increased rate of blinking (estmd. 20 times per minute-about 17 blinks per minute is normal) and by the flexing of the lower leg muscles, which is easily noticed while lying on ones side at a distance no greater than 2 feet away. I strongly encourage those who encounter these handsome creatures to avoid making pheasant noises of any kind. Why would one even consider inviting such obvious danger from an otherwise bashful animal?

Kosbok continues on, describing the moose’s diet:

I have found that the moose eats many different food items, including twigs, snails and pine needles. However, given the chance, a moose will eat almost anything shiny or glossy, as well as leather-crafted items. Just a few hours ago, I noticed my sandals were missing, and I can only assume, with great cheerfulness, that one of the hungrier moose had devoured them. How delightful!

It is from the above passage that many Kosbok followers infer the reasoning to keep an eye one’s wristwatch when confronted by/confronting a moose. This is often known as "Step 2" for safety in moose encounters, the first being to cease all clucking sounds, and the third to radio for help, which is only necessary in cases when the moose is exhibiting the nasty behavior as Kosbok describes. Of course, in Kosbok’s day, Step 3 would probably involve some sort of yelling very loudly. This is the most excessive of the nonsensical convinctions that many Kosbokians have about moose.

I do not necessarily seek to disprove the theories of Nils Christiansen Kosbok. In fact, I cannot even refute the claim that the female moose often stands but 24 inches tall; I haven’t gotten close enough to a moose to do so. However, I do call for critical thinking, by moose enthusiasts as well as those who have no opinion whatsoever on the moose. Kosbok’s affinity for the moose is indeed inspiring, but his outrageous and, yes, still yet to be disproved theory, leaves much to be desired.